mcd

The hardest thing is to let go
But its not defeat
When you set somebody free
And I know you're meant to be yourself
With someone else, not me

Tired

Ever just looked in the mirror and stared at your face? I did that today, not realizing what I would emotionally feel like after. When the first tear fell down my cheek, I couldn't help but look at the circles under my eyes. I look old. I feel old. I see the gray hair surrounding my face, and the wrinkles around my eyes and mouth. Next month I'll be 35 years old. I have no children and am not married, nor do I have any plans of marriage...not by choice though. I want to get married and have a family, but I'm tired of waiting for that perfect guy to see the real me and and ask. I feel like I have not accomplished a thing in this life. Sure I have a few close friends, but none are local. So when I need to talk to someone, it has to be over the phone. It would be nice to just hug a friend when needed, which seems to be frequent lately. Today was not a good day for me. When my thoughts run rampant, more depressing things come to light. Thoughts I would just love to rip from my heart and brain. I'm so tired. I'm so tired I would love to just lay down and die and be done with it all.

Um, Yeah

I Just Wanna Scream

Why can't I just wake up from this nightmare? God please help me.

Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound
but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

Perfection Unveiled

You. The perfect guy. You deserve happiness and all that goes along with it. I hope you find what you are looking for, I really do. It hurts me to see you so sad. We are more alike than you think. The words you say are exactly my thoughts. It's funny how just a simple chat with you can make me smile, even when I don't want to. I love how I can talk to you about anything, and I know you won't judge me. I don't feel so lonely when I talk to you, even though I live a life of loneliness. I'm sad.... for many reasons. I'm sure you know why, and it's ok. I understand your situation, really. I don't blame you for pursuing your dream; I'd do the same thing. But the funny thing is that my dream is unattainable now. You know.. those simple things. I shouldn't have gave up 10 years ago. I regret that everyday. Whatever happens I will always be here for you, no matter what. You are special, important, perfect. My good friend. Not really how I wanted to see you, but how it ended up. My friend. I love you more than you will ever realize. I don't want to lose you again.
This is what I'll be doing tonight to forget.

Kasey Chambers

Give me a break, I'm female. I occasionally like the mush music.

I live, I breathe, I let it rain on me
I sleep, I wake, I try hard not to break
I crave, I love, I've waited long enough
I try as hard as I can

Duncan Sheik

Lately, something here don't feel right
this is just a half-life
is there really no escape?
no escape from time

Seven Mary Three

And if I stay lucky then my tongue will stay tied,
and I won't betray the things that I hide.
There's not enough years underneath this belt,
for me to admit the way that I felt.

Mandy Moore - Gardenia

Well, I put so much thought into getting ready
Now I know that was the best part
It's so easy to get caught up in what I'm regretting
Forget what I got from a wounded heart